工作

Everyone has their own job, which is like a star in the night sky, which can direct people to go ahead. ii a drawing
I want to be an art teacher. I hope to use my paintbush to teach children to remember the beauty of all things in the world. I can convey the true meaning of dreams. I use lve to symbolize the hope of tomorrow, while green represents our protection of the Earth's environment.
To achieve this dream, firstly I should obtain a teaching in qualification certificate. Secondly, I should strengthen my painting skills. Maybe it's not easy, but I will go l out torn this dream into reality.

Based on the given criteria and evaluating the composition you've provided, I would place this essay in the **third档 (13-18分)**. Here's a detailed evaluation and suggestions for improvement:

### Content and Structure:
- **Content**: The essay touches on personal ambitions and the desire to become an art teacher. It includes the passion for art and a responsible attitude towards environmental protection. However, it could benefit from more specific details or examples.
- **Structure**: The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. There are some ideas that can be expanded or connected more cohesively. For example, linking your dream with the steps you plan to take more explicitly could help.

### Language Use:
- **Grammar and Syntax**: There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Examples include "ii a drawing," "my paintbush," "lve," "I will go l out torn," and "in qualification certificate."
- **Vocabulary**: The vocabulary is basic and repetitive. Introducing more varied and precise words could enhance the richness of the essay. For instance, "paintbush" should be "paintbrush," and "lve" presumably should be "love."

### Suggestions for Improvement:
1. **Clarify and Correct Errors**: Pay careful attention to proofreading your work to catch spelling mistakes (e.g., "paintbush" to "paintbrush") and clarify ambiguous phrases ("ii a drawing" doesn’t make sense in its context).
2. **Develop Ideas**: Expand on how you plan to achieve your goals with more specifics. How do you plan to improve your painting skills? What steps will you take to obtain the teaching qualification certificate?
3. **Enhance Vocabulary**: Use synonyms and a richer set of vocabulary to express your thoughts. For example, instead of repeating colors as symbols, you might integrate broader artistic concepts.
4. **Check Sentence Structure**: Work on building more complex and varied sentences to make your writing more engaging.

If these areas are addressed, the essay could move up to the second or even the first档, depending on the extent of improvement. Keep practicing, and consider revising the essay with these points in mind.

中文翻译修改

Maggie0126 发表于 2025-10-25 04:12
中文翻译修改

根据所给的评分标准和您提供的作文，我将这篇作文归于**第三档 (13-18分)**。以下是详细的评估和改进建议：

### 内容和结构：
- **内容**：作文提到了个人的梦想和成为美术老师的愿望，表达了对艺术的热爱和对环境保护的责任感。然而，可以通过更多具体的细节或例子来增强内容。
- **结构**：文章基本上有引言、正文和结论，但是一些想法可以得到更充分的展开和更紧密的连接。例如，可以更明确地链接你的梦想和计划采取的步骤。

### 语言使用：
- **语法和句法**：存在一些语法错误和不太合适的短语。例如，“ii a drawing”、“my paintbush”、“lve”、“I will go l out torn”和“in qualification certificate”。
- **词汇**：词汇基本且重复。使用更多样化和更精准的词汇可以提升文章的丰富性。例如，“paintbush”应该是“paintbrush”，“lve”可能应该是“love”。

### 改进建议：
1. **清晰和纠正错误**：仔细校对您的作品以捕捉拼写错误（例如，“paintbush”改为“paintbrush”）并澄清模糊的短语（例如，“ii a drawing”在上下文中没有意义）。
2. **丰富想法**：更详细地阐述您实现目标的计划。您计划如何提高您的绘画技能？您将采取哪些步骤来获得教师资格证书？
3. **增强词汇**：使用同义词和更丰富的词汇来表达您的想法。例如，可以整合更广泛的艺术概念，而不仅仅是重复颜色作为象征。
4. **检查句子结构**：努力构建更复杂和多样化的句子，以让您的写作更具吸引力。

如果这些方面得到改善，文章可以提升到第二档，甚至第一档，具体取决于改进的程度。继续练习，并考虑根据这些建议修改作文。

梦想工作目标
Everyone has their own job, which is like a star in the night sky, which can direct people to go ahead.
I want to be an art teacher. I hope to use my paintbush to teach children to remember the beauty of all things in the world. I can convey the true meaning of dreams. I use blue to symbolize the hope of tomorrow, while green represents our protection of the Earth's environment.
To achieve this dream, Firstly ,I should obtain a teaching in qualification certificate. Secondly, I should strengthen my painting skills. Maybe it's not easy, but I will go l out torn this dream into reality.

Maggie0126 发表于 2025-10-25 04:17
梦想工作目标
Everyone has their own job, which is  ...

Based on the updated essay, I'd still place this essay in the **third档 (13-18分)** due to ongoing issues, but there is clear potential for improvement. Here's a detailed evaluation and further suggestions:

### Content and Structure:
- **Content**: The essay outlines the desire to become an art teacher and make a positive impact through art. The symbolism of colors is a nice touch, showing thoughtfulness about your goals. However, it could still benefit from more specific details or examples on how you plan to achieve these goals.
- **Structure**: The structure remains basic with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, linking the symbolism directly to how it will influence your teaching could create a stronger narrative.

### Language Use:
- **Grammar and Syntax**: Some grammatical errors persist, such as "go l out torn," which might intend to say "go all out to turn." Additionally, "Firstly, I should obtain a teaching in qualification certificate" should be "Firstly, I should obtain a teaching qualification certificate."
- **Vocabulary**: The vocabulary is straightforward but could be more varied. Introduce more descriptive language or synonyms to add depth.

### Suggestions for Improvement:
1. **Clarify and Correct Errors**: Ensure clarity by correcting spelling and grammatical mistakes. For example, "paintbush" should be "paintbrush," and check phrases for clarity (e.g., "go all out to turn").
2. **Develop Ideas**: Provide more specifics on the steps you will take to improve your skills and obtain qualifications. This could include mentioning any particular courses, mentors, or practice techniques.
3. **Enhance Vocabulary**: Broaden your vocabulary to enhance the essay's richness. Use more expressive adjectives or verbs to bring your passion to life.
4. **Improve Transitions**: Work on creating smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Connecting your passion for art and teaching more seamlessly would improve the flow of the essay.

With these improvements, your essay could move up to the second档 or even first档, demonstrating a well-crafted piece with clear expression and development of ideas. Keep refining your work with these tips in mind.

中文回复修改

Maggie0126 发表于 2025-10-25 04:18
中文回复修改

根据更新后的作文，我仍将这篇作文归于**第三档 (13-18分)**，因为还有一些问题存在，但可以看出有明显提升潜力。以下是详细评估以及进一步的改进建议：

### 内容和结构：
- **内容**：文章概述了成为美术老师的愿望和通过艺术产生积极影响的目标。颜色象征的使用很不错，显示了对目标的深思。不过，仍然可以通过更多具体的细节或例子来提升目标实现的可行性。
- **结构**：结构依然基本，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，各个想法之间的过渡可以更顺畅。例如，将象征意义直接与教学方法关联，可以形成更强的叙述性。

### 语言使用：
- **语法和句法**：尚存一些语法错误，例如“go l out torn”，应该表达为“go all out to turn”。此外，“Firstly, I should obtain a teaching in qualification certificate”应为“Firstly, I should obtain a teaching qualification certificate”。
- **词汇**：词汇直白，可以更加多样化。引入更多描述性语言或同义词以增加文章深度。

### 改进建议：
1. **澄清并纠正错误**：确保拼写和语法的准确性，例如将“paintbush”改为“paintbrush”，并确保短语的清晰（如“go all out to turn”）。
2. **丰富想法**：提供更多关于您如何提高技能和获得资格的具体步骤。这可以包括提到具体课程、导师或练习技巧。
3. **增强词汇**：扩大词汇量以增加文章的丰富性。使用更多富有表现力的形容词或动词来展现您的热情。
4. **改善过渡**：努力在句子和想法之间创造更流畅的过渡。更紧密地连接您对艺术和教学的热情将改善文章的连贯性。

通过这些改进，您的作文可以提升至第二档，甚至第一档，展示一篇结构良好且思想清晰的发展作文。请继续根据这些建议完善您的写作。