Saving electricity

With the national economy experiencing rapid growth,saving electricity has become an increasingly important in our daily life,because electricity has become more and more sortcoming.
To achieve saving electricity,I plan to take three steps.First of all,I will turn off the lights right after use.What is more,I will reduce using e-book.Last but not least,I will with my family member to save electricity together.
In the final analysis,I believe these efforts will help me to save electricity.It is necessary if we aspire to have a better place to live in the future.

This essay seems to be an attempt to address the issue of saving electricity, but there are several areas that need improvement. Here is the evaluation based on the provided criteria:

1) Content and Task Completion:
   - The essay attempts to cover the topic by discussing the importance of saving electricity and providing some personal steps the writer plans to take.
   - However, there are some vague expressions and lack of elaboration on certain points, such as what exactly "reduce using e-book" means in terms of saving electricity.
   - It does mention the key purpose and some actions which is positive.

2) Language Use:
   - There are several grammatical and lexical errors:
     - "increasingly important" should have a noun following it, like "issue".
     - "sortcoming" should be "scarce" or another word reflecting the shortage.
     - "I will with my family member to save electricity together" is missing a verb after "will".
   - Language usage is basic, and there is room for enriching vocabulary and improving sentence structure for clarity and impact.

3) Structure:
   - The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
   - Transition words like "First of all," "What is more," and "Last but not least," suggest an understanding of ordering ideas, though they could be better tied to specific examples or explanations.

4) Clarity and Coherence:
   - Some parts of the essay are unclear due to grammatical issues, which affect the overall coherence.
   - More detailed examples and clearer expression of ideas would improve understandability.

In summary, this essay would likely fit into the third or fourth band (7-18 points), as it contains key elements of the task but lacks sufficient clarity, depth, and accuracy in language use to achieve higher scores.

**Suggestions for Improvement:**
- Clarify the main points and ensure each step mentioned directly relates to saving electricity.
- Improve grammar and vocabulary to avoid ambiguity, such as explaining how using less of an e-book conserves power.
- Ensure every sentence has clear meaning and contributes to the overall narrative.
- Provide more examples or context to explain why each proposed action helps save electricity.
- Double-check for spelling errors and correct phrases like "sortcoming" and missing verbs.

王艳 发表于 2025-10-26 17:34
This essay seems to be an attempt to address the issue of saving electricity, but there are several  ...

翻译成中文

Lemon 发表于 2025-10-26 17:35
王艳 发表于 2025-10-26 17:34
This essay seems to b ...

这篇文章似乎尝试解决节约用电的问题，但有几个需要改进的地方。以下是根据提供的标准进行的评估：

1) 内容和任务完成情况：
   - 文章尝试通过讨论节约用电的重要性并提供作者计划采取的一些个人步骤来覆盖该主题。
   - 然而，某些表达模糊，对某些点缺乏详细阐述，例如“减少使用电子书”在节约用电方面具体意味着什么。
   - 文中提到了关键目的和一些行动，这一点是积极的。

2) 语言使用：
   - 存在一些语法和词汇错误：
     - “increasingly important”应该跟一个名词，如“issue”。
     - “sortcoming”应为“scarce”或其它反映短缺的词。
     - “I will with my family member to save electricity together”缺少动词。
   - 语言使用比较基础，可以通过丰富词汇和改善句子结构来提高清晰度和效果。

3) 结构：
   - 文章遵循了基本的结构，有引言、正文和结论。
   - 使用了“First of all”、“What is more”和“Last but not least”等过渡词，显示出对排序想法的理解，尽管它们可以更好地与具体例子或解释相结合。

4) 清晰度和连贯性：
   - 由于语法问题，文章的某些部分不够清楚，从而影响了整体连贯性。
   - 提供更详细的例子和更清晰的表达将提高理解度。

总之，这篇文章可能适合第三或第四档（7-18分），因为它包含任务的关键元素，但在清晰度、深度和语言运用的准确性方面不足以达到更高分数。

**改进建议：**
- 澄清主要观点，确保提到的每个步骤都直接与节约用电相关。
- 改善语法和词汇以避免歧义，例如解释使用较少电子书如何节省电力。
- 确保每个句子都有明确的含义并有助于整体叙述。
- 提供更多例子或背景以解释为何每个提议的行动有助于节约用电。
- 仔细检查拼写错误，并纠正像“sortcoming”这样短语中的错误和缺失动词的问题。